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  1. While I know that these myths are in fact myths, they resonate anyway. Myth 1, for instance – I freely and gleefully announce that self-care is not selfish…yet I still feel selfish when I plan for self-care when I see that my spouse does not. He’s a pretty selfless guy, always making sure everyone is taken care of, but he doesn’t prioritize his own needs. So, I feel selfish when I do. The sad thing is that I need and want self-care. I sometimes wonder if he sees me as selfish, and that makes me use self-care a lot less than I should or want. Should I justify or explain my self-care?

    1. This is such an honest example of how we can know something intellectually and still struggle to believe it emotionally. I appreciate the vulnerability.

      I don’t think you need to justify your self-care, as though caring for yourself is something you must defend. But it may help to talk openly with your spouse about what comes up for you. Especially the fear that he may perceive you as selfish. His decision not to prioritize his own needs does not mean that you must neglect yours to keep things “fair.” You are allowed to have different needs and different ways of replenishing yourselves. And perhaps part of loving him is encouraging him to care for himself, too. Modeling for him.

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